come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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