Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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