why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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