you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
