i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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