If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Green mimosas i think yes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
