I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
