I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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