so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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