Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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