The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need a beard to bite.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
