Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize