Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize