Life is so much better after having sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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