Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
