We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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