so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
