we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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