I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
