I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
