Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize