Plan B is the new Plan A
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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