I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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