and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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