I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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