halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize