So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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