Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
