The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
