when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
