I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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