I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
