i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
