I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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