You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
