It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
