...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
