Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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