i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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