She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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