Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
