Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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