I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
