I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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