Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
