ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
