It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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