Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
