dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
