I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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