Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
