Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
