You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
