i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
