fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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