I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My feet surprised me
Randomize
