I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
