I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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