remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
