I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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