Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Your dad touched me again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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